As excessive quantities of
fireworks were being purchased for July fourth celebrations in America, Karen
had taken a train to southern England for her own fireworks show. On the train
to the Isle of Wight, she revisited childhood memories of laying on her
parent’s Oldsmobile staring up at the bursts of light and explosions in the sky
while mosquitoes feasted on her ankles where the Off! didn’t make it. Karen was
proud of herself for agreeing to this adventure with such little information. But at 2am at the end of the first
night of her weekend adventure, she stood alone on the balcony overlooking the
ocean and the waves lapping against the enormous posts that suspended the deck
and felt the fragility of her decision. Weird,
she thought, how all
living things seem to be teetering on something, relying on another thing
equally unstable. Mostly, she was thinking how pissed she now was at
her own gullible heart. God
damnit, Sayed!
Sayed was born in
England but his parents were from southern India. Sayed was the co-owner and
co-investor of Isle of Wight’s largest nightclub, The Sphynx. After college,
Karen had applied to any program that transported her oversees and out of
Indiana and it was during a visit to London that they met. Sayed was nine years
older but seemed unconcerned by concerns pedestrian. Nothing about their
interaction the first night in a London pub seemed overtly romantic but Sayed’s
invitation to join him for a weekend in the Isle of Wight was, at the least,
unique.
Karen’s summers as
a child were spent in a white, Protestant safe house of Barbies, riding bikes
and shucking corn at a summer cottage owned by her Uncle Ted. Her mother
cleaned and scrubbed the place each June with fervor of a woman on coke[1].
Uncle Ted rarely used the place and when he did he always brought a lady friend
who hid, smoking on the back porch smelling of Bain de Soleil oil. Karen
daydreamed a lot about a life less ordinary. She snuck into the guest room when
Uncle Ted and his latest girlfriend were out and searched through the suitcases
for what, even Karen didn’t know. A clue on how to be a grown up woman? A
ticket to a glamorous life? A mix
tape? Karen always came up empty-handed except for uncovering cigarette
lighters hidden throughout the luggage.
And now, standing
on the balcony of the hottest night club on the Isle of Wight, Karen felt
abandoned mostly by her own self ignorance. They had had the vegetarian
discussion when they first met.
“You will like
this,” Sayed said over the calm light from the candle.
“But it’s
chicken,” Karen half smiled and took a long drink from her wine glass in
preparation.
“Well, I made it
for you and it’s not a bad thing to try something new once in awhile,” Sayed
quipped from across the dinner table set with a romantic-esque candelabra, wine
glasses and some low jazz she tried to ignore in the background.
“True.” Karen
wasn’t sure how to respond and the wine limited her ability to rationalize the
moment.
“Plus, you look
very nice and we are going to a huge party tonight with loads of people to
meet. You’ll need the energy,” Sayed said through his wine glass and a slight
smile.
Karen interpreted the comment as
being flirtatious and didn’t mind Sayed hitting on her. He wasn’t an
unattractive man. Brown skin. British accent. You’ll
need energy clearly referred to the sex he had planned to have with
her that evening and she obliged the invitation by placing her fork, for the
first time since high school, into a piece of chicken. As she pretended, the
vegetables that accompanied the chicken tasted better than the chicken, but
nonetheless, Karen faked her way through the meal and tried not to think too
deeply about what she had eaten.
Sayed talked a lot
about himself and the nightclub. Karen felt more like an adult on a wild
vacation. Her parents didn’t even know why she hadn’t flown back to the States.
“It’s time,” Sayed said and cleared the table. Though the club was only four
blocks away, Sayed drove the red sports car and parked in his VIP spot.
“One thing you
should know, and don’t be mad, but you said you would never eat rabbit, and
well…you just did.” As Karen’s brain cells parsed the possibility a very tall,
beautiful woman stepped out of the nightclub. Sayed grinned and they embraced.
Karen did not listen for her name or say Nice
to meet you. Karen felt 12 years old; like she was back at the kid’s
table during Thanksgiving dinners, a spectator of the adult world where she so
longed to be.
Though Karen
wished she would have left or had the money to get a hotel, she drank and
danced alone and smoked decidedly more. She was exhausted from the energy it
took pretending to have a good time alone and headed out on the balcony. The
sea was crashing in on the rocks below and the wind blew cooler against her
bare legs. The night was ending and she was proud for appearing as if what
Sayed did to her wasn’t weird.
Karen was at a loss for the moral of the moment but it was almost time
to go, the balcony was empty and she felt taller standing over the waves. Pure
freedom. It’s going to be okay, she thought…the
waves crashed on the rocks and with every break they uttered a little word, a
specific life, as brief as the life span of a mosquito.
[1] Coke:
cocaine. Just for the record, her mother had never tried any drug though Karen
thought her childhood might have been more interesting, however, they wouldn’t
have been able to afford it.
